Freakin' Load of Tunes

 

Freakin' Load of Tunes - Lyrics

© 2018 by Bill Crozier


Moon Song Contract


I'm proposing four songs every moon

I don t want to miss it for the stars

That still a freakin load of tunes

That would break the leaf springs on my car


Township


Township turn your leaf to mulch

Cackle while you fly Miss Gulch

Let your car run as you go oh oh

Inside for a cup of joe oh oh oh oh


Draw the water from the well

Flush it right back down to hell

No need to climb Mt. Pocono

We're all drinking H2O oh oh oh oh


I'm saving gas in my 4-banger

I don't expect that will last

Then I look up at the jetliner

Burning 50,000 gallons of gas


Apples from another land

In boxes in big metal cans

Buy them from the grocery store

When I could go out my back door


Wait for parking near the door

When you might like to walk some more

Sometimes it makes me want go

Jean-Luc say make it so oh oh oh oh


(Repeat first verse)


Kawai


All that's left is this

Of my little piano, burnt to a crisp

I can play it after a fashion

Reborn from an old drive

And plenty of passion

Don't tell me what I can't do

I use what I've got to do what I want to

I use what I've got to do what I want to


Black and Tan


I'll take a black and tan

Oh wait, that's you and me

Nan and Jan also ran

I'll have a cup of tea

I sing into a can

And turn it with a key


You open up the folder

And you look into my eye

You say that I'm no older

And I say that that's a lie

The beer gets only colder

When I'm looking at the sky


Ooooo, ahhhhh, Bobby got me hoppin'


I could have been a blogger

If I knew what to say

A jaded public jobber

Living in the USA

I traded my old lager

For a hoppy IPA


I'd shed a happy tear

For a song about a train

I think I've made it clear

That I would go that way again


I'll quaff another beer

And I'll never be the same


Oooooo, ahhhhhh, Bobby got me goin'


My only harmonica

Is in the key of C

It's not the one I wanted but

I can't afford the fee

But I got my Melodica

So I can choose the key


(Melodica instrumental)


Je ne vais pas mentir

Je suis tres soule

Je ne cache rien

Si vous parler Francais

Je prends une autre biere

Comme le jour est ferie


Oooooo, ahhhhh, Bobby got me goin'

Oooooo, ahhhhh, Bobby got me hoppin'


I see what yer doin'

All right Bobby let's go

I know what yer brewin'

So don't say I told you so

The dinner pot is stewin'

Now you gotta let me go


Back to work I am

Saying lunch is never free

Scan the man, take my hand

And have a cup of tea

I sing into a can

And turn it with a key


Nifty Fifty


I took my nifty fifty to the lake

How many piney pictures did I take?

When we got there it was cloudy

And then it starts to rain

I took more piney pictures

With my nifty fifty

I took more piney pictures just the same

I took more piney pictures in the rain


How Does it Work


How does it work?

How do you know

Where to put the needle

To make the song go?


(Li'l instrumental)


Don't be a jerk

How do I know

Where to put the needle

To make the song go?


Taxes


From below

The ground hog cries

Get your facts

Straight from the General

An inch of snow

Fell outside

While I did taxes

State and Federal


I take no chance

I pay the fee

Get back a dime

So I can eat

I should dance

For a couple G

But I can't find

The beat

No, I can't find the beat


Lullaby


Awake at three

Awake at four

A little more

I want to snore


Close my eyes

Breathe a sigh

Clear my mind

Check the time


(repeat first verse)


The Week


It's Monday and it feels like a toothache

It could be sinus, it could be sinus

It's Tuesday and

It don't feel like Spring Break

Tell your royal highness

Tell your royal highness


It's Wednesday and it feels like hump day

Hide the vacuum, hide the vacuum


(Instrumental)


It's Thursday and I'm

Testing the canned goods

Go see the proctor, go see the proctor

It's Friday and I'm lost in the back woods

Go to the tractor, go to the tractor


It's Saturday, spend the day

Looking out my window

At the blinking red light


It's Sunday and it feels like Sunday

The end of the weekend

The end of the weekend


C'est dimanche et je parle Francais

La fin de la semaine, la fin de la semaine


Tuckahoe


I went South on Tuckahoe

Where I feel the North wind blow

Says my long shadow

The sun is getting low

Whenever I go

Down Tuckahoe-oh oh - oh hey!


I ran out to the fountainhead

As the sky was turning red

Buzzards over my head

I still hopped outta bed

I put on my Keds®

And ran to the fountainhe eh -eh -eadUnh!


Driving west on 552 to Millville (chorus)

I haven't seen

A road this straight since Boston

I'll celebrate my half birthday if you will

I wanna piece of yellow cake with frostin'


I went down to the sea shore

For one last look at the store

I didn't go down for the tour

Didn't go for the show on the floor

I went to close the door

Down at the sea shor-or-or-ore wooooo!


(chorus)


I looked up at old Barsoom

I'm not gonna get there soon

First gotta do this tune

Then I gotta get to next June

Then I gotta go to the moon

Before I ever go to old Barsoom, ho!

(repeat first verse)


Five Guitars


After the house burned up

I got an old Fender

Turn down, turn up

That's a night I will remember


I wondered what survived

As I pulled up on the gravel

The only homemade ax inside

The little one for travel


I've got two guitars

I don't need any more

But I want another one


I got a gift card Gibson

Paid about $555

I can barely lift 'im

I'll give it one more try


(instrumental in F)


I've got three guitars...


I listened to McGillicutty

I drove all over town

I tried an electric hollowbody

But I didn't like the sound


Searching for that mellow tone

Don't wanna make nobody cry

A silver maple Epiphone

An ES-335


I've got four guitars...


Don't say no to a bit o' fun

Build it, buy or barter

Jethro says get a little one

To hang up in the parlor


(instrumental, repeat chorus, fade)


Interstate Birthday Party

Animal body parts

Vegetable body parts

Mineral body parts

By the side of the road


Happy birthday dear interstate

Happy birthday to you


41,000 miles sand to sand

I try to avoid it when I can


(instro, repeat, blend, repeat, fade)


Toast-R-Oven


Turn on the oven

The Toast R Oven

Heat a slice of pizza from yesterday

When will it be ready?

Good and ready

There's just a little dial you turn this way


Something is burning

The toast is burning

Waving my hands at the smoke alarm

With a knife I scrape it

Yeah, I still ate it

A little bit of carbon do me no harm

A little bit of carbon do me no harm

A little bit of carbon do me no harm


Train


I'd shed a happy tear for a song about a train...


Every night at eight oh five

I heard it from the rancher

We live on Delsea Drive

I never thought I'd answer


How can you sing a happy tune

From such a plaintive cry?

A hound under the moon

Does he ever wonder why?


I miss the rumble (chorus)

Deep and humble

When I hear the whistle blow

Till the very end

He was my friend

But he will never know


Careful what you wish about

I don't think the gods conspire

I want to build a house

I get a smoky fire


(repeat chorus)


August Sonnet


I'm that guy I envie as I'm driving off to work

I see him trim the bushes

Cross the street to get the mail

I'm that guy for

It's a couple days past August first

Pull another draft, draft another tale


The morning air is cool and dry

I open windows wide

I walk around the garden

To get a bite to eat

From fusion to confusion

I go off for a ride

I see the wild cherries ripe

All along the street


One cannot choose but wonder

How this could ever be

Summer rain pouring down

The thunder and the light

I see it all again

As I try to go to sleep

And hear a bird of prey

Screeching in the night


I get up and sing a song

About what I have seen

In the middle of the summer

Life is but a dream


Luca


Last Universal

Common Ancestor, LUCA

Use the force LUCA


I Like Habaneros


I like habaneros

I like them 'cause they're hot

I grow them in my garden

I always get a lot


I throw them in the salsa

I sing them in a song

I put 'em in the freezer

I eat them all year long


(Instrumental break)

 

Me gustan porque son picantes

Me gusta habaneros

Crezco los pimientos

Me los comer todo el año


Don't rub your eye after you chop it up

Wash your hands before you pee

It already burns you once or twice

Don't let it burn you three


I like you habaneros

I like you 'cause you're hot

I grow them in my garden

I always get a lot


One Day


One day you're feeling fine

The next you're off your rocker

One day you feel like Solo

Another like Chewbacca


One day you feel like running

From everything you see

And then you throw a party

Inviting even me


Life is hard, life is easy (chorus)

Makes you strong, makes you queasy


One day you can only

Bash your head against the wall

And then you feel like Shakespeare

You understand it all


(repeat chorus, little instrumental)


One day your life is nothing

Then it's full like pizza pie

You curse between the blessings

You laugh until you cry


(repeat chorus, repeat first verse)


Acceptable Polka

Grow my own, brew at home

I know I'm not alone

Piney orange bitter clear

I say it tastes like beer


Does everything I want it to

Don't know if it's respectable

Drinking my home brew

I say, that's acceptable!


(break, repeat second verse)


Went to School


I was in a stroller, then I was a toddler

I remember nada

Then I went to school

Went to school, went to school

Then I went to school


I hit the roadway, bulk up my resume

Daily and sunday

Then I went to school


I was washing dishes, serving sticks and fishes, not what daddy wishes

Then I went to school

Went to school, went to school

Then I went to school

(Instrumental)


I was out of reach-a, couldn't get a pizza

I became a teach-a

Then I went to school

Went to school, went to school

Then I went to school


I was an apprentice, I became a chemist Went to work in my pajamas

Then I went to school


Went to school, went to school

Went to school, went to school

Went to school, went to school

Then I went to school


Salts Waltz


Nitrates are soluble all without fault

Alkali and the ammonium salts

Chlorides dissolve excepting these few

Silver, mercury one and lead two


Remember these rules (chorus)

As you go along

Do well in your studies

Remember this song


Sulfates of calcium, strontium, lead

Sulfate of barium when you're sick in bed

These don't dissolve

They fall out of solution

A problem to solve

Make this your resolution


(chorus)


I used to eat Hydrox cookies by Sunshine

Hydroxides insoluble

Except large earth alkaline

Sulfides are smelly, unlike rose petals

Insoluble except salts of alkali metals


(chorus)


Phosphates and carbonates, all precipitated

Except salts of alkali

As I have already stated

I've waited much longer than you

To hear this

I've wanted to write this song for 10 years


(chorus)


Instruments


Ordered it on Saturday

Too late to make the crossin'

Instruments im Deutchland

Sie ist am Sonntag geschlossen


I've waited all this time

To tighten what I've loosened

Now I wait a little longer

Ja, ich werde warten müssen

 

Drawn


I was drawn like a magnet to the woods

On a frosty Friday afternoon

The birds are never thinking,

it's cold out here.

They're out here all the time

I watch the wind blow,

Go 'head do yer worst

She tells me where to go

I try to get there first

I wash my hands with snow

And dry them on my shirt


I return like a child on a swing

On a sunny afternoon in Spring

The birds have started thinking,

it's warm out here.

They sing it in a song

I watch the squirrels run,

High above they bound

They're dappled in the sun

They hardly make a sound

Why they have all the fun

While I'm stuck on the ground?

I come out here and sing (chorus)

Summer, fall, winter and spring


Late in June and I come back to the woods School is out and so am I

The birds are getting thirsty,

It's hot out here

And still they sing along

I'm sitting in the shade below the canopy

The green leaves cascade

I put the flowers in my tea

I think I got it made

'Cause I wanna be free


The air is cool and I'm back among the trees Under the October sky

The birds have started thinking

Like the autumn leaves

They're ready for a change

The green leaves turn red

Then they turn to brown

Once alive, now they're dead

They're lying on the ground

I don't wanna go to bed

I'm heading into town


(chorus, repeat first verse)


Duplicate


Duplicate Rick bass license

Lookin at a thick steak bison

Think about it, don t use a hyphen

Duplicate Rick bass license


I should be singing on my birthday

Walking out straight through the breezeway

Riding down the North-South freeway

I should be singing on my birthday


I'm tired of explaining over and over (chorus)

How to get to the moon

I've had enough

I could go tomorrow

But I'll stick around until June


Nuclear jazz bass solo

Listen to the kids sayin' YOLO

Trying not to play like a Yovo

Nuclear jazz bass solo


(jazz bass solo, chorus)


Duplicate Rick bass license

Lookin at a thick steak bison

Think about it, don t use a hyphen

Duplicate Rick bass license