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Song
Links
1. Yes, I'm a Chemist
2. Wheatstone Bridge
3. Pi
4. Every Time I Go Out
5. These Old Friends
6. Global Warming
7. Statistics and Probability
8. Machine Like You
9. Informal Fallacies
10. Do You Know?
11. Y2K

Every Time I Go Out YouTube Video:

Science - Lyrics

1. Yes, I'm a Chemist © 1981

He walked with his head high
And so goes the fable
With him he carried a periodic table
He knew all the isotopes that were stable

Yes, but the people would stare as he walked down the street
And he'd say to the people he'd meet
Yes, I'm a chemist

The townspeople all knew him
And he knew all their names
He talked to the children
And joined in their games
The farthest thing from his mind
Was his fame

Yes, but the people would stare as he walked down the street
And he'd say to the people he'd meet
Yes, I'm a chemist

And chemists are people too
A chemist will look after you
Yes, yes, I'm a chemist

This man was secure
With his humble profession
He was full of compassion
And had little aggression
His periodic table was his only possession

Yes, but the people would stare as he walked down the street
And he'd say to the people he'd meet
Yes, I'm a chemist

And chemists are people too
A chemist will look after you
Yes, yes, I'm a chemist
Yes, yes, I'm a chemist

2. Wheatstone Bridge © 1980

I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge
I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge
I can feel no resistance
I’m too persistent
I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge

I’m gonna plow that crystal field
I’m gonna plow that crystal field
When I think of those complex ions
I can’t stop a-cryin’
I’m gonna plow that crystal field

Well you may think I’m crazy
And you may think I’m lazy
Well, I know this sounds funny
Like my brain’s a little runny
I’m gonna fly that XY plane
I’m gonna fly that XY plane
I’d join the foreign legion
To fly that plane Cartesian
I’m gonna fly that XY plane

Well you may think I’m crazy
And you may think I’m lazy
Well, I know this sounds funny
Like my brain’s a little runny

I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge
I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge
I can feel no resistance
I’m too persistent
I’m gonna cross that Wheatstone Bridge

3. Pi © 1981 (music only by Bill Crozier, lyrics by Creator of Universe or equivalent)

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510

4. Every Time I Go Out ©1981

On Monday I went out on the lawn
But I thought I was on the moon
And the day and the night
Were the black and the white on the moon

On Tuesday I went out on the street
But I could imagine the sweet
Winds of Mars
There were maidens in green, the tallest mountains I’ve ever seen on Mars

And on Wednesday I went down to the store, but I just stepped up to the door
And I was on Ganymede
There was ice and snow too, made of CO2 on Ganymede

And every time I go out, I go out
And each time it’s harder to come back
It’s harder to come back
Yes, every time I go out, I go out
And it’s harder to come back

And on Thursday I went in to town
But I found I was walking the ground
Of Titan, Titan
There were statues crying tears for the last million years on Titan, Titan

And on Friday I went out to play and something swept me away and I was
On Oberon
Away so far that the sun looked like a star On Oberon

And every time I go out, I go out
And each time it’s harder to come back
It’s harder to come back
Yes, every time I go out, I go out
And it’s harder to come back
And on Saturday I went down to the sea wishing so hard to be free that I was
On Neptune
Where a year is so long that it’s said that a one year old would be dead on Neptune

And on Sunday I went for a ride, and I just looked up to the sky and I was on Pluto
Oh no
And it was so cold that I thought I’d grown old on Pluto, oh no

‘Cause every time I go out, I go out
And each time it’s harder to come back
It’s harder to come back
Yes, every time I go out, I go out
And it’s harder to come back

Now it’s Monday again
Should I go out or stay in?
I don’t know, I don’t know

‘Cause every time I go out, I go out
And each time it’s harder to come back
It’s harder to come back
Yes, every time I go out
And it’s harder to come back, come back ...

5. These Old Friends © 1981

Well I met Galileo just the other day
And I asked him, “What’s goin’ down?”
Well, he looked at me and he shook his head and he said
Well, there’s nothing much ‘cause I’ve been out of touch
I’ll wait for the sun to go down so that I can look at the sky

And I met Ike Newton just the other day
And I asked him, what’s goin’ down?
Well, he looked around, then he settled down and he said
The world is round and my mind is sound
I’m goin’ over to that apple tree and I’ll sit down on the ground

Well, I don’t know what I expected from these old friends
How was I to know that they’d just sit back and remember when

And I met Christ Jesus just the other day
And I asked him, what’s goin’ down?
Well, he read a psalm and he rubbed his palms and he said
As you can see, they won’t listen to me
They won’t take on faith what’s true, how about you?

And I met holy Moses just the other day
And I asked him, what’s goin’ down?
He set his eyes, but he didn’t look satisfied when he said
Well, wouldn’t it be nice to know what’s wrong and right
But after all these years and tears and fears, it’s still not clear

Well, I don’t know what I expected from these old friends
You might think that they’d want to pick up and start again

And I met Jean Paul just zee ozzer day
And I asked him, what’s goin’ down?
Well, he smiled at me and he winked his eye and he said
Well, I don’t have to worry any more
About the rich or the poor
About bones or stones or metamorphosis ‘cause I don’t exist

Well, I don’t know what I expected from these old friends
How was I to know that in the end it would be the end?
Yeah, I don’t know what I expected from these old friends
How was I to know that in the end it would be the end?
The end

6. Global Warming © 1991

So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing
So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing
So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing
It's cold

But we have to believe them, they're scientists
We have to believe them, they're scientists
We have to believe them, they're scientists
With PhD's

Let's fill up the hole in the ozone with what's down here
We're choking
Let's fill up the hole in the ozone with what's down here
We're choking
Let's fill up the hole in the ozone with what's down here
We're choking
We're doomed, we're doomed

Yes, and we have to believe them
They're scientists
We have to believe them, they're scientists
Yes, we have to believe them
They're scientists, with PhD's
So let's give them all the money
They ask for
Let's give them all the money they ask for
Let's give them the billions and billions of dollars they ask for, they must be right

So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing
So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing
So much for global warming
I'm freezing, I'm freezing, It's cold

But we have to believe them, they're scientists
We have to believe them, they're scientists
We have to believe them, they're scientists
With PhD's

7. Statistics and Probability © 1989

Sometimes you get all the green lights, sometimes you get all the red
Sometimes you get to be living, sometimes you get to be dead
Check the front page of the paper, will it rain or shine
Flip a penny to be safer, you'll be right half the time

Statistics and probability (chorus)
Sometimes you get all the luck
Despite your health and ability
(2nd time: wealth or nobility)
Sometimes you get screwed

Good days and bad days
One will go like this:
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, tee-hee
Good days and bad days
One will go like this
One's devil is another's hero
Who said life is fair?
But it will all come out to zero
If you live one thousand years
(repeat chorus)

Lady luck is a dancer
Don't go looking for a sign
There is never just one answer
One and one makes one point nine
nine nine nine nine, etc.

8. Machine Like You © 1997

Pull the lever and reel the wheel
For a million years or two
I have never seen a machine
That looks like you

Thing of beauty from years of gears turning ‘round and ‘round and ‘round

All the changes, signed off by Time
In the lost and found

I can tell you how you run
And how you run down
I know why when we see the sun we say, “Holy Cow!”

Save for never the dream of the scene Where the hook is evil
Have you ever seen a machine
That looks like me?

(Scrub tool instrumental)

I can tell you how you run
And how you run down
I know why when we see the sun we say, “Holy Cow!” Holy Cow

Ever bearing, thrust from the dust
Would you not revere it?
If I’m only run by the sun
Then I have no fear
Pull the lever and reel the wheel
For a million years or two
I have never seen a machine
That looks like you

9. Informal Fallacies © 1997

I will listen to your words and if you
Say them with enough passion
I will think that they are true
Even more so if they’re in fashion
And if you say them with your fist in my
Face or with your heart bleeding
I’ll agree with misty eyes
Even more so if we start feeding

And if you say the doctor told you how
To do it better than I do
Or if you think the words came down
From heaven, they must be true
But don’t listen to that guy over there
Look in his eye, look at his hair
Hear how he talks, say his name
Look how he walks, look at his brain

But there is no reason to believe (chorus)
I have taken only the pieces that I need

And so the morning sun will come
for it comes every day, hey
Have you stopped beating your drum
Or did it just fade away?

But don’t listen to that girl over there
Look in her eye, look at her hair
Hear how she talks, say her name
Look how she walks, look at her brain

(chorus)

I will listen to your words and if you
Say them with enough passion
I will think that they are true
Even more so if they’re in fashion
And if you say them with your fist in my
Face or with your heart bleeding
I’ll agree with misty eyes
Even more so if we start feeding

(chorus)

10. Do You Know? © 1998

Do you doze or is your book on fire
The sky won’t blue, is that a skirt?
Mr. Crozier, you look a little tired
Why don’t you take a couple of
Months off from work?

My teeth are crying
Looking for the best way
To fax the first bit of chive to the cheese
The geese are flying
As I drive o'er the expressway
I wax allergic driving through the trees

If I could see a little sunny
Weed around the seeds I’ve sown
Would I not give a little money
To kick back in my chair at home

She arrives and sings who’ll ring the kitty
She hears a scream, and then a curse
When I’m out drivin’, I sing a little ditty
And dream about the universe

But something is brewing, Vega or bust
Running guns to elliptical stars
Do you know what you’re doing
Or are you just
Strumming your acoustic guitar?
Something is brewing, Vega or bust
Running guns to elliptical stars
Do you know what you’re doing
Or are you just
Strumming your acoustic guitar
Strumming your acoustic guitar

If I could see a little sunny
Weed around the seeds I’ve sown
Would I not give a little money
To kick back in my chair at home

Do you doze or is your book on fire
The sky won’t blue, is that a skirt?
Mr. Crozier, you look a little tired
Why don’t you take a couple of
Months off from work?

11. Y2K © 1999

Here comes December, if it’s a cold one
Get coal in your stocking
If you’re worried by Time
All the computers, even the old ones
Know what comes after 1999

Scrolled up the date and let it roll over
The clock in the corner
Still says the right time
There’s no debate, we’ll have food and water after December 1999

Why 2 K, sorry, I gotta go (chorus)
It’s not my problem, why should I care?
Why 2 K, that’s what I want to know
They want to scare me
And I wanna be scared

The TV will give you millennium fever
When is the end?
They will tell you the time
Hail to the Humans
Counting down on their fingers
To the zero that follows 1999

You’ve laid all your money
On Mister computer
And now you are worried
That they will all crash
The song I’m singing:
Sent in bits to the future
I wouldn’t buy an 8-track if I had the cash I wouldn’t buy an 8-track if I had the cash

Here comes December, if it’s a cold one
Get coal in your stocking
If you’re worried by Time
All the computers, even the old ones
Know what comes after 1999

Why 2 K, sorry, I gotta go
It’s not my problem, why should I care?
Why 2 K, that’s what I want to know
They want to scare me
And I wanna be scared

The TV will give you millennium fever
When is the end?
They will tell you the time
Hail to the Humans
Counting down on their fingers
To the zero that follows 1999

(Auld Lang Syne, etc.)

All songs written, produced and performed by Bill Crozier. All rights reserved.