Me Me Me
There is safety in numbers. I talked to a Christian on the Diag yesterday. How can he be so sure that he is right? You can believe anything if you work hard at it. And when there is support from all those "good people" it could be hard to resist Am I more than just my body? How do Christians talk to God? Are we more than just chemical factories, complex anomalies? Why is it so "important" for life to be? Look at the trees. See how they reach for the light of the sun? Are we to be doing God's will, whatever that may be?
Since I have exams next week, I should be studying but instead I play the guitar and write in this book. I eat lunch sooner than necessary in order to be doing something important. Is this OK? I don't feel it is "wrong." Music is good. So is eating and writing.
When you say, "mole" to a chemist, he does not think of furry creatures. When you ask him to pronounce "unionized," he does not think of wages or fairness in dealing with human workers. But the worst thing is that, to a chemist, TLC does not mean tender loving care, but thin layer chromatography!
I'm pretty sure I'll work for B. He has money, brains, good nature; and working for him will get me a good job when I get out, if that's what I want.
I've forgotten to grow up.
I went out for a drink with D and K last night. Then we went to the Arb and walked in the woods, stood by the Huron river, walked up hills, looked at the stars, looked at the moon, and talked. With all these little things to pacify me, I'll never leave to look for something more suited to me.
I'll be going home in about a week. I'm looking forward to going home to visit.
I suffer too much anguish over a woman who never said she would have anything to do with me. T said he doesn't like the way R plays with me, pretending she is my wench. It is hard to take and tonight I feel I will be better off alone, with just friends.
All the students are coming back to town. Rats. It was so nice to have the city to myself. I could go play the piano whenever I wanted. It won't be like that for a while again. Ann Arbor wasn't so bad for the summer, but now it will be Student City again.
I will be teaching Chem125 again. Not bad.
[At about this time, I saw a Peace Corps brochure on a bulletin board in the chemistry building. I remember it well. On it was a picture of a teacher in an open-air classroom at a blackboard teaching black children, probably in Africa. At this time, what I liked most about graduate school was teaching the Chem125 sections. My students liked the way I explained concepts to them. I liked the interaction with the students. I decided to send for more information and an application. It seemed like a possible solution to my confusion at the University.]
Saturday I got a pamphlet and application forms from the Peace Corps. I'm seriously thinking about going. I don't feel as though I have strong ties here. I don't feel satisfied with what I'm doing. This will give me a chance to see the world, the Third World. I barely knew it existed a year ago. Now I may go see it. All my life it's been me me me. Now what? I feel very positive about this. I feel strongly about it! Wow
Me Me Me
All my life it's been me me me
All my life I've been free free free
It's hard for me to see see see
What the world may be
So what else is new new new?
Try to see what's true true true
I'm here singing to you you you
Maybe that's all I can do
Times I think that's lame lame lame
But life is only a game game game
Should I be using my brain brain brain?
But what then would I gain?
I could spend my life in bed bed bed
Or try to get a head head head
I've heard that someone said said said
In the end we'll all be dead
Maybe I should go and see see see
Try to find this me me me
Take a trip across the sea sea sea
To see what the world may be
I will live as a native of the country that I visit. I will learn the language. I will share their problems. I be able to apply the "good" things about chemistry. We don't need high technology, but we should all have clean water. I wonder if they can use me. Will they take me?
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